Fear

Back when I was about 9 or 10 (not sure) I was big into diving and gymnastics. I was sure that I was going to go to the Olympics either one or both. 


 My mom would take my siblings and I to our neighbors to swim during the summers, and we would have fun playing games, jumping off the diving board and practicing our dives and tricks. One summer after noon we were practicing, and I wanted to perfect my back flip. I was destined to be awesome. As I was practicing I didn't rotate right so I ended up hitting my head and back on the board, which knocked me out and dumped me into the pool. 


Luckily for me I have an awesome older brother that jumped in and saved me. I don't remember much from the whole thing except I have been really scared of the deep end since. 


Most of you may know, that I swam and played water polo in high school, as well as compete in triathlons. I was also a Life guard and swim instructor for almost 7 years. So, why would someone who had spent more than 50% of her life in a pool be afraid of the deep end? 


Well, you see, when other people are in the pool and swimming, I am okay and don't think about it. But as soon as I am the only one in the pool I have a panic attack. I also often have panic attacks while swimming in open water (i.e. the ocean, lakes). Yes, I am sure this just sounds so odd, oh well. It's just one of my deep fears is drowning. 


While I was working as a life guard, I actually strapped on a weight belt, had an oxygen thing, and jumped to the bottom of the pool for a drill. We were testing one of the life guards on his submerged rescues. What we didn't realize was that he was a complete idiot. As I was down there we decided that I should undo the oxygen hose so he would think it's a rescue, but what happened was that he didn't see me, so I was stuck at the bottom of the pool. With the weight belt on I weighed around 200 + lbs. I am not used to that much weight, so I couldn't swim up with all that heavy weight attached to me. I started to panic when after a minute he didn't rescue me, and I couldn't get the weight belt off me, the strap was stuck. Again, luckily for me one of my friends who was supposed to be monitoring the rescue noticed that I was panicking and jumped in and rescued me. 

Again, my fear of being in deep water was instilled in my brain. Though I still have continued swimming, I just can't swim by myself. 


Last night I went to the University of Utah pool for a swim. Boy was is busy. So I hopped in the pool to start my laps, first I had some goggle issues, but eventually fixed them. I started my swim, I was feeling a little sluggish, but it felt good to be in the water. Eventually I realize I am the only one in the pool. I stop look around and realize everyone that had been in that pool had left. Though the other pool was still full and busy, I watched the life guard to see if I needed to get out, but they didn't say anything. I watch people around me they all head to the other pool. I still don't get why no one got in the pool I was in. I decided to start swimming. I went under water and started to panic again. I just kept thinking what is wrong with me? I am 22 years old I have been swimming all my life I am a pretty decent swimming why can't I just do this. I took another 5 minutes to coax myself back to my swimming and to just take it 100 yds. at a time. So I did. Though I only did another 500 yds I did it. I swam all by myself in the pool. In the deep end none the less. 


This is the time for all of us to look our fears in the eyes and understand them, why we are afraid of what ever it is and to give it a nice punch in the face. I got home and told Nathan I was just so excited that I did it. I made it 500 yds all by myself. I faced my fear (not by choice) but I did it and I gave it a nice upper cut to the jaw and a jab to the nose. 


I hope this year we can all work a little more to become more confident in things that give us a hard time, to stand up to our own personal bullies. Just know that YOU CAN DO IT!!