Sunday, February 7, 2016

What NOT to say...

I have found through our journey of waiting to adopt many things are said and I know it's with good intention, but come across very wrong. I have been trying my best to see what people say from their perspective or if I were in their shoes and what I might say. Honestly, if I were not in this situation I may say the same things, which is why I have decided to write this post.

Here is part of a list of things that when or if you are in a situation with someone who is adopting or going through infertility issues to NOT say.

1. Do not use the phrase "Just wait till you have a kid"- honestly, I can hardly wait! Yes, I get that there are MANY sleepless nights, crying babies, runny noses, food thrown at you, spit up on your clothes, germs everywhere but there is also love, kisses, those cute moments that just stop your heart, their first everything, you being everything in their eyes. Yes, there is a lot of crap but there is a whole lot more moments that make being a parent worth it. So don't use that sarcastic tone of just you wait because honestly I can hardly wait.

2. "You'll get pregnant right after you adopt"- Say what?! No, that's not how it works. Yes, there may be those rare cases that you've heard about, but do not tell me that I will be that one, because you don't know. I know there are people who have had that happen, but that doesn't mean that's my case. And I am not adopting to get pregnant, I am adopting to become a Mom.

3. "You're lucky you don't have to ruin your little body"- Um... Ok? But I would give anything to have that experience of going through pregnancy. I know you may be trying to make me feel better, but that doesn't. Through pregnancy your body is creating a new person! How amazing is that, those tiger stripes are the proof of the miracle your child is. Scars on our bodies tell a story of the life we have lived, and I have scars from surgery and injury but one scar I would give to have is that of the miracle of a child. Take a look at yourself and how amazing that is, rather than with regret or distaste, because there is someone like me who wishes they could have that.

4. "If you didn't run so much you'd get pregnant"- I run because of the person I am because of it. I run to be patient, I run for therapy, I run through joy, I run through emotional pain, I run because I love it. That isn't the reason for us adopting. Oh, AND there are SO many professional runners out there (thinner than me) who are able to have kids healthily, so it's not my running. Being physically active and fit is just who I am, but having goals gives me a focus and a drive I wouldn't have otherwise. I am not going to sit and wait for life to happen, I am going after it one adventure at a time with open arms and hope that becoming a Mom will happen soon.

5. "I totally understand how you feel, it took us two months to get pregnant"- I do understand that the hope is to get pregnant right away when you've made that decision to have kids. I really, really do, however, only waiting a couple months for that pregnancy test is so much different than waiting 6.5 years to see a positive pregnancy test, one that will never happen. I do understand it's with best intention of trying to understand and empathize with the situation, however from my perspective you got the positive pregnancy test. All of us who go through infertility go through completely different situations so none of us actually know what one is going through, but the longer you go the more you can understand others dealing with infertility.

Again, I will say I know people mean well and they want to fix my problems, however these aren't fixes especially in our situation. We are so grateful for everyone in our lives who support us, given words of encouragement and is excited for us to have a little one join our family. Thank you for the continued support, and prayers in our behalf! We love you.

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